BLOGGER TEMPLATES Funny Pictures

11.18.2013

The Furnace

Heads up: This one's long and kinda heavy. (Sarah writing.)

I'm constantly trying to be a positive person. To focus on the good. Be the girl that sees the glass half full. Put on the happy face and find the good in everything because no one wants to hear about the bad. But what happens when your glass is drained completely empty and you're so desperately dehydrated that the glass starts messing with your head?  

I prayed to the Lord to bring me closer to him this year. I begged him for this. I expected him to do this via sunshine and roses. (Ironically I have seen neither of those things for weeks now.) But he knows me better than I know myself, and he knew the best way to bring me to my knees--to allow me not only to know him better but to show me how much I truly need him. "My" intentions for this year were and remain to be to serve him fully and to accept whatever he hands me. This is the reason I'm sharing the negative right now. I am his servant, and this morning in the shower, I had a very clear push to write this down so that somehow this could be a blessing to whomever reads it. Here are my thoughts the best I can sort and write them, some being repetitive…

Anxiety and depression have always lurked threateningly in my brain, but I've always had a routine or comfort to distract myself from dealing with it. I'm certain a large percentage of people reading this have battled this at some point; some batting harder and longer than others. This internal battle came on rather quickly and intensely for me after moving to the other side of the world (shocker). But those who know me well know that I'm a fairly new believer. I have been a "Christian" my whole life but have really known Jesus as my actual Lord the last two years or so. Before really knowing the Lord, anxiety was an easy concept. It was simply a chemical imbalance in the brain easily treated by anti-depressants and problem solved.

But things are different now. I am not just a Christian, I am God's child. I am his servant. I do my best to listen and obey, going where he leads me. So when I began to experience morbid, depressing thoughts about whether this messy life is worth struggling through, thoughts of darkness and evil seeping into my mind that began to devour me… This time it's different. I'm supposed to have the Lord in my corner fighting for me and this time, it's evil pulling at me. 

I've experienced anxiety before, but never like this. It's terrifying how little control I have of my anxiety/mind when it causes me to hyperventilate, panic, my hands and face go numb, and my heartbeat is so irregular that I lose consciousness repeatedly… all because of a feeling of extreme fear from… What? Seemingly nothing when I think through it logically. (Ugh, I'm getting anxiety just writing about it.) How is this possible? How is it that my brain can wreak so much havoc on my body? When this happens, my mind controls my body but I have no control of my mind. The human body and brain are so complex; it's baffling to me there are not more things that go wrong with our bodies, let alone our minds.

One night after an argument with Craig about a month ago, my mind went berserk. I tried to sleep on the couch and alone, in the middle of the night, I hit rock bottom. The evil and morbid thoughts began devouring me. And when I realized where my thoughts had gone, I felt guilt and anger. I felt abandoned. God had stopped fighting for me. I screamed at him through tears, "How could you do this to me? I sacrificed everything to truly be your daughter and to serve you. I have nothing. I left Lola, my family, my church, friends, my comforts, now Craig has left me alone, and now you're not even fighting for me. How? How could you forsake me? Where are you to start battling these dark thoughts and demons for me? Fight for me!" I grabbed my Bible and cracked it open directly to Psalm 6, to verse 6: "I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes." 

My first thought: "Whoa, wait. They had couches back when the Psalms were written?" And then, "Whoa. I'm on a couch crying and I'm also drenching it with tears." And then it hit me. The Lord chose David, the shepherd boy, to be his child. He called David to be his servant and to be his anointed one. Did this mean he was clear of sin or that his life was easy? Far from it. David spent 4 years hiding in caves while Saul hunted him to kill him when the Lord had promised David he’d make him king. So yea, David was a little angry with the Lord when he wrote Psalms because it was definitely not the life he expected to have as God's child, but it's the way the Lord knew best to bring David to his knees in need of a savior.

That was a rough night for me, and that night I was truly brought to my knees in need of my Lord. A new friend of Craig's and mine, Daniel, had some words of wisdom when we both opened up to him about the anxiety Craig and I experience. He explained it so well… Sometimes God chooses to hold you in the furnace for a while during your walk with him. Sometimes we don't know why. This is the way he chose to show me I needed to really depend on him, and that even though I felt like he wasn't fighting for me, he had everything completely under control. And when God holds me in the furnace, Jesus is walking right there with me in it. He is sovereign and in control of everything.

The old me from a couple years ago would have read this on a blog and thought, "This is just bunk." (Love using my dad's words. "Bunk.") When I heard Christians talk like this, it used to sound so corny, like they had been drinking the spiritual juice too much. "The Lord is sovereign." "There's a purpose for my suffering." It was such bologna to me. Before I had true faith in God, anxiety was a simple medical problem. You take some medicine and when you get better, that's the medicine working. There may be a God but it's not him who's helping you get better, it's the medicine. Christians who think God "blesses" them through a trial are just kooky, yada yada.

Old Sarah was not a true believer. I was hopeful there was a God back then, and kinda believed in him and that he was my savior when I’d die, but he definitely wasn't my Lord or my priority. Now, I feel him more. All the time. He's not just a "hopeful" now. He's my priority. I feel him now in the good times and in the bad. I was waiting for some miraculous proof of him before I was going to go through the motions of changing my life and basing my faith on a God I couldn't see or feel for sure. It does happen that way for some people, but for me, I really had to have faith the last couple years and trust that the ways he was working in my life was actually him working and not just circumstance. And he's the one who works to change my life, not me.

Now that I have allowed myself to listen for him and truly trust that he's there, it's incredible how much I feel him. This isn't just some kooky Christian thing I'm saying. This is REAL. I have called on him, been angry with him, trusted him. I feel him. I see him working and answering prayers. And not just in me, but in ways no human could manage to move in this dark world. I have always wanted proof, and I was the last person who would have been saying this a couple years ago… But I have my own proof now. I have SEEN his sovereignty. I am grateful for him holding me to the furnace right now because I have seen the blessing in it. Maybe he's using this trial of mine related to medicine and the mind/body to be able to have tougher conversations with non-believers, with my very medically-savvy family, with friends.

I'm not a drunk on some spiritual juice… This is Sarah. This is God's child, a sinner in a dark place who is experiencing our very real God maybe if only to write this post and tell someone about his love.

Trust him. Give your life to him. If you haven't already, find a community of people who love him and serve him so you can begin to see how to live a holier, selfless life and so you can see how he has worked in other peoples' lives. Testimonies like this one are out there so you can begin to trust him and grow in your faith and love for him. The Lord wants you to seek him. He won't force himself on you if that's the "proof" you're looking for. True love is a choice, not forced. He wants you to come to him on your own, and you’re never going to know him if you’re not truly seeking him with all your heart.

I am still so young in my walk with Christ but do have a little wisdom now I can share. It's this: I look at pictures on Instagram, etc. and long to experience the most beautiful places on earth. Central Park in autumn, lavender fields in France, the Amalfi Coast, Greece. But now I know that even better than experiencing those beautiful places is to know and experience when God is doing something in my life to talk directly to me. Me! The maker of the world and universe, the guy who makes the whole world turn is talking to me directly and loving me in a way he knows is best for me. 

Heaven on earth, even when I'm suffering, is the realization that he knows and loves me. 

Something helpful if you’re in the furnace: Flip to Psalm 91. (Remember this verse by thinking of 911.) 

10.02.2013

The good, the bad, and the ugly... And the good news.


So… Sarah has decided to let me take the reigns of the blog this month.  Lets hope I don’t screw it up. Lol.  I want to talk this time on a couple things.  First would be the things we are thankful for.  The second would be struggles.  I think it is very important to share both. Transparency is a concept that can truly benefit relationships, and to be honest each of you reading this are worth it.  I cant help but to picture the audience that will read this as I write it, and the fact is it makes me quite emotional. 

This post will be a bit spiritual.  I hope it is welcomed and received as a blessing, because all of you have been a blessing to us… probably more than you’ll ever know.

To start with the things we are grateful for, I’ll try my best to keep it on track cause frankly no single blog post could house all the things in life both big and small that deserve gratitude.  Keep in mind that these are not in order of importance (except for the first one because that is obvious).
We are thankful for:

·      (Personally) My Wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!

·      The life God has given us

·      That God would use us for His will

·      People (both friends and family) who show us so much undeserved love

·      The new student friends we are making

·      Great little tucked away places (like this coffee shop I’m in) where we can be in community with God

·      The Bible

·      The internet

·      The opportunity to grow up in an environment that teaches about God’s love (which now we see is an amazing blessing)

·      Amazing spiritual leaders God has given to us throughout our lives

·      Adam Wright’s music… We feel very close to God listing to him sing

·      Knowing that this place is not our home (nor is Birmingham)

·      Learning and using a new language (there is nothing like being a foreigner speaking to someone in their native language)

·      And so much more…

Being able to look at this small list helps us so much during times where we feel like a victim or just down about life, and we are happy to be able to share these things with you.

Moving on to the struggles we face it becomes a little harder to put words on paper… or virtual paper in this case.  Sharing struggles takes a bit of humility, which I’m sure most all of you know, can be quite hard for me.  The majority of these are my own struggles, and ill try not to identify Sarah with them. 

You would think given our situation that my faith would be at soaring levels.  Well, unfortunately it has been quite a struggle for me.  Yes, my faith in core/essential matters is unwavering, but the day to day faith that God will take care of matters or the results of my efforts is desperately lacking.  This has brought about false idols in my life, like:

·      Being the one who’s right and/or knows best when communicating with Sarah (instead of showing her love)

·      My own efforts/abilities and having results that I want to see

·      The desire to fit in with and gain approval of my American friends here

·      Being a good instagram-er

I know some of these things sound legit and others sound kind of ridiculous.  The fact is, when I’m honest with myself, I often try to find my identity in these fruitless matters. 

Now, the good news is that with time in the Word and reflecting on the things formerly mentioned, there is a clear path out of these struggles.  It is also very important to know that the life of a Christian is not a life free from struggles, but yet a life with a loving Father to give your struggles over to no matter how great they may be.  Often, I have to remind myself that He provides me shelter and peace, and through my weakness I am made strong in Him.

We love and miss you all so much,

Craig & Sarah

Til next time we hope you have days filled with blessings and leave you with a few pictures of course.

Football mornings at the guys' "palace."
1000 year-old city
Old-school candy making


Babysitting Stella. This is love.
On one of our date nights
Always an appropriate time for the man robe
"Is Irradiation." Quite the experience getting our mandatory health screening done.
Treees!
Date night enthusiasm
Michael, Owens, Gunter, Craig, Smange
After the 5k, photogs took advantage of a shot of the foreigners in front of the foreigners sign... we aim to please...

Late-night shao kao. BBQ on a stick for the brave.
Some tongue-twisters courtesy of our teacher. Craig threw one back at her and she nailed it. Gotta step up our game.
Real life cab ride. Looks comfy, right?

9.01.2013

Assault On All Senses

So we're finally back on the blog! I am regretting not having done an earlier post than this... to be honest, there is so much that has happened since our leaving the states and getting settled in our apartment overseas that in the back of my mind I have been thinking, "how in the world am I going to be able to blog on all this?" Lesson learned. I will aim for more frequent blogging. This is a long one thanks to my procrastination.

Our first few days in Asia were a scramble to fight through our jet lag by traveling to the various furniture stores in the area to get what we needed for our apartment. It has been fun but chaotic. Craig and I are learning basic words and phrases slowly in the language but personally, I am getting really creative with charades, which I've had some success with in grocery stores.

East Asia is such a different place. The best way I have heard it described here is that it is an assault on all the senses. This is absolutely true.

Some random notes about what we're experiencing:

- If the (unregistered) cab driver picking you up at 7am happens to need your help pushing the car to get it started, just let your husband handle it.

- It is acceptable (guys) to take your shirt off while you walk to work in the morning so it doesn't get sweaty. Why don't we do this in the US? Makes sense to me.

- Horn honking is different in every country. Here, it is done as a courtesy to let another drivers know you're on the road with them. This equates to lots of honking.

- On that note, there is no prideful driving here. There is no road rage. There is no being appalled when a huge van comes swerving dangerously close to your electric scooter. There is no shooting the bird. You forgive, don't make a stink about it, and move on. And I have yet to see a wreck.

- Intersections and traffic flow directions apply about 70% of the time.

- That bright orange, burning sun in the evening might be brighter here because of the pollution in the atmosphere, but it's still beautiful. I still believe God is an Auburn fan and that he likes the auburn sun.

- Grocery stores: there is no Publix. Ingredients you need will be found at about 4-5 different "xaio mai bu's," (pronounced shaow my boo, meaning small store selling all kinds of random things plus groceries,) but also several stores you have to take a subway ride to. Groceries will be a fun challenge. We are almost 2 weeks into being here and I feel quite accomplished that we have olive oil, butter, sandwich bread, fruits/veggies, oats, dish soap, etc.  We actually bought chicken breasts the other day. A sweet lady helped me find and package 2 of them... they were hiding under the chicken feet.

- Electric scooters are our transportation. Terrifying for me at first in this traffic but now quite fun. If it's raining, you wear a rain jacket and be grateful for the "che" (pronounced chuh, or motorized vehicle).

- Every day after lunch, locals take an hour to close their shops and nap. This makes perfect sense to me, and I'm not sure why we don't do this in the middle of our work days in the states. Waste of an hour in the work day? Absolutely not. Thanks to this hour "xieo shi," (she oh she? not sure if that's right... aka nap,) they're open til late at night. Sounds like a no-brainer to me.

- Taxis here have 3 wheels. One wheel up front; 2 in back of the tiny little van. They are either lime green or red. I don't get how they don't tip over given the way they're driven. Miracles happening every day here. 

- It is acceptable to stare. Hard. Especially at the one blonde person.

- Fun fact. I have heard all three sounds coming from our neighbors apartments: Mariachi music, The Beatles' "Hey Jude," a live rooster fighting for survival on someone's balcony.

We are in a large city with skyscraper apartment buildings. It's best described as a big city but with a third-world feel. This is what I have found true for the cities we have visited so far, and the way of life here has captured my fascination. Our friends here say "it's different and so random, but easy to love," and day by day, I'm seeing this is true. I'll do my best to explain the way of life in the little part of town where we live.

The people are hard-working, polite, and unimposing. They busy themselves in the bottom of their storefronts selling specific goods, such as water coolers (everyone here must drink filtered water), shoes, clothes, pots/pans, etc, but mostly are small street-style restaurants. Each small family lives in the second story over their xiao mai bu, which is open every day of the week. They work, they eat together, they sleep. Every day. They live with basic needs. I have rarely seen a TV. There is no need for one, so it seems. There is little need for law enforcement. Everyone is generally behaved (for lack of better word) and sticks to the rules. There is no deceit or "ripping off the American." The cab driver might occasionally try to charge you a few extra yuan. But for the most part, you hand someone a bill and they will always, without hesitation, give you the same treatment and price they gave their neighbor. I have no idea how much they're charging me for something when I hand them 100 yuan, which they could easily keep and say "that was the whole price," but I will always get 95 yuan back.

They are not judgmental of us for not knowing the language yet. They don't throw up their hands in frustration. They smile and politely deal with my charades.

They don't have much, but they don't consider themselves unfortunate. A Bentley or slick new Mercedes will occasionally make its way through the neighborhood where xiao mai bu owners are fortunate to have a scooter. But no hard feelings, it seems.

Craig and I are having a blast and getting comfortable with roaming around town on the che. I, personally, am growing less concerned and less afraid to sound like a fool using the little language I know. Needless to say, we are eager for school to start so we can get this language learning going. And we are excited to already be meeting students that are on campus early that love to speak English to us and want nothing more than to make a new friend. Craig says we need to brush up on our ping pong skills stat.

The Lord has been so good to get us to this point. I see him in the least expected places here and I'm so grateful for his presence in such a spiritually dark place. Before we left, someone mentioned how astonishing it is to be in a sea full of souls but know that God is talking directly to you. I have felt that while we are here, and his power/ability to do that is amazing--especially here. Next time I blog, I anticipate it will be much more spiritual observation than worldly. It's fun to be immersed in this culture and pull my thoughts together but will be even more fun to do the same after spending more time in his word.

Some of the many photos to summarize our last few days are below... I realize this is too many photos for a blog post. Oh well.

Our view on a more clear day
Normal traffic situation

This street was beautiful!

"Cab" drivers looking for business.

Kathleen looking calm and confident about this cab ride.

Typical meal here is done family-style. Craig is brave and tries anything... I'm getting there.

In a cave... in a boat... notice the sketchy lighting. Worth it though!

Boating through the cave

4-hour hike through the gorge


Motivating reason/way to learn our numbers.

As soon as we think we have this place figured out, we find stores like this.

Typical city haze. Still so beautiful.

A family having dinner together in their restaurant.

Our che! (scooter) Complete with eagle up front.

On campus

On campus

On campus

In one of the local xiao mai bu's  :)



We made it to IKEA!
Our view at dusk



8.02.2013

first blog



We would like to welcome you all to our main source of communication for the next several months.  If you're on this blog, then you had something to do with giving Craig and me support, encouragement, or prayer... you are absolutely wonderful. We will never be able to thank you enough. 

It is indescribable how we have gotten to this point, but one thing we know for sure is we would not be here without each and every one of you and the power of our Lord.

This blogging business is new to us so it will definitely be a learning experience, and this is already taking me hours. The Lord blesses us with specific attributes, and blog skills are not among them.

We promise to keep you posted on thoughts, experiences and happenings on the other side of the globe. We would also love to hear how you and your families are doing and if we can pray for you in any way.

Great view of Birmingham... We will miss this place!



This one (Lola) is giving us the guilt trip for not taking her with us


Schedule:
August 13: To Chicago for training
August 15: 4th Anniversary
August 19: Off to EAST ASIA!